your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
