my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
