Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
