He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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