you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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