you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
