I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
