I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
