Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize