I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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