Can i not drive my cunt home
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
