someone owes me an orgasm
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
