I skipped work to stalk him.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
