I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
