it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
In America we eat man semen.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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