So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
