How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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