Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
