): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
