Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
