His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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