ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
