I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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