The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
