he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
