I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
