what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
