I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
