Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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