I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
