shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
