I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he puts the penis in happiness.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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