I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
