WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
