Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
