I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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