he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
