New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
