And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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