video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize