Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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