The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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