Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
