i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
