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I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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