I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
