I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
