Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
