It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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