The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
