I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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