HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
