I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
