You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
