My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
