he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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