i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
