its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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