Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
