I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
