I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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