It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
