absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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