Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
