I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
