I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
